Continuing the tradition of "THIS REALLY HAPPENED"...........

My family attends a local church most Sundays. (Well, my wife and son attend regularly, when I show up everyone wonders what holiday it is.)

It was a typical Sunday service, starting with announcements, sharing of concerns, and discussion of activities scheduled for the various church groups, followed by a prayer and hymn. We placed our usual envelope as the offering plate was passed.

Then the sermon. This Sunday's lesson concerned the motivation of people to "serve" their community and that sometimes while the service is admirable the motivation is not. "Look within yourself, and ask: Am I doing this to truly help others or is personal gain somehow involved?"

To illustrate, he told a story from his own life experience.

(TO GET THE FULL EFFECT OF THIS STORY, FIND A HARD WOODEN CHAIR WITH A VERY STRAIGHT BACK. SIT THERE FOR ONE HOUR BEFORE CONTINUING. IT ALSO HELPS IF YOU HAVE YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER SIT WITH YOU WITHOUT MOVING OR SAYING ANYTHING FOR THE FULL HOUR. THIS CREATES THE "VIRTUAL REALITY" OF THE SITUATION. ALSO, IMAGINE THE SERMON DELIVERED IN THE STYLIZED MANNER OF ONE WHO HAS SPOKEN FOR MANY YEARS FROM THE PULPIT.)

The sermon goes:

"In the town where we used to live, I had a personal friend of many years who was a dentist. He was well known and respected in his community and had worked hard all his life providing good care for his patients and a nuturing family life for his children.

(PAUSE AND LOOK UP AT THE CONGREGATION)

He had three children of whom he was very proud. One son in particular was a model student and athelete, who did well at anything he tried. He was a star player on the football team, inducted into Honor Society, elected to school government. You name it, he was involved and a leader.

When the time came for college he had his choice of prestigious colleges.

(SLIGHT NEGATIVE INFLECTION IN "PRESTIGIOUS")

In college he continued to excel. His grades were consistently high and he was well thought of by his professors.

Much to his father's delight the son decided to apply to dental school and was accepted at a good school in the East.

(AGAIN PAUSE TO BE SURE THE CONGREGATION HAS HAD TIME TO VISUALIZE THE FAMILY. MAYBE DONNA REED COULD BE THE MOTHER....)

As before the son is tops in his class throughout his dental education. The father is very proud of the son and dreams of the day when he will join him in the practice and continue to build upon what he has started, serving their community with caring honesty.

As the final year of the son's dental education is drawing to a close, the father becomes more and more content with the image of working side by side with his son, sharing his years of experience and knowledge with him, knowing that they are giving back to the community their integrity and work in exchange for a comfortable living.

Then the bombshell is dropped!

On a visit home, the son declares to his father that he will NOT be joining him in practice after all. The son feels that the humble earnings of a family dentist are not enough reward after all his years of effort. You see, the son while appearing to be interested in serving the community, was really interested in personal gain. He wanted to be..............

(REALLY, REALLY LONG PAUSE LOOKING FROM FACE TO FACE IN THE CONGREATION)

........................an ORTHODONTIST.

NOW PICTURE, our family trying to get small enough to sneak out UNDER the pews. Also picture the face of one of the church deacons who recently retired after many years of orthodontics.

We endured the rest of the service and filed out of the church trying to avoid the faces with glinting metal smiles.

As we left I commented to my wife under my breath: "Is it too late to cancel the check?"

I can only hope that the next time he tries to teach that lesson, he tells of a minister's son who became a televison evangelist.