Braces

or, The Pit and the Pendulum

by Elizabeth Bell

(to be read with a lithp)

I sparkle when I smile,
I lisp when I speak.
I get to drive into town
Every single week.

My orthodontist told me
"No more Gummy Bears,"
I never eat them anyhow,
So, really now, who cares?

I brush my teeth for hours,
I brush each tooth with care,
But when I use the Water-Pik
It's scary what's still there.

It may sound like I'm being
A crude ungrateful louse,
And like I don't appreciate
My heavy metal mouth.

But actually I'm thankful,
I'll tolerate the pain.
I think it's really worth it
For what I'm going to gain.

OC's TOP TEN REASONS WHY "THEY'RE NOT WEARING THEIR RETAINERS"

10. My teacher told me not to wear it.
9. The dog ate it.
8. My boyfriend doesn't like it.
7. I can't breathe with it in.
6. I left it at Mickey D's, Burger King, Wendy's.....
5. It broke, so I couldn't wear it.
4. Someone stole it.
3. I was sick and it fell in the toilet.
2. I tried to boil it to get it clean.

and the best answer of all:
1. It didn't fit anymore so I quit wearing it......